Setting Goals

I am at a point in my life where I guess you'd say I've come to a crossroad.

The "fork" in the road has many different paths, and not all are parallel.  

I'm so tired of carrying excess baggage around in my life. 

I want to just un-pack that baggage and let it go.

How do you reconcile your "debts" and "deposits"?  I'm not talking finances here.  I'm talking about the negatives and positives that are in your life.  These same negatives that weigh you down...and the positives that are struggling to become more pro-active in your life?  

Old habits can be a part of the excess baggage as well...when something has been a part of your life for over 30 years....how do you let it go?  How do you remove that kind of habit?  

When you live in an environment where there are things that contribute to your addiction, how do you get the others in your environment to understand why you cannot "live with it" in a healthy manner?  Yes, it may be their right to have certain rights and things...but at what cost to another person's well-being? 

What happens when you "out-grow" parts of your life that have always been a part of your life?

How do you move forward without leaving everything that plays a part in "un-healthy" behind?

I know what needs "cleaned up" in my life, but my addiction is still very strong.  You know what, my addiction should be my addictions.  

Someone close to me recently pointed out that the way I present myself, sometimes is colored negative.  I had not realized that I was playing the part of a victim, making myself a victim.  I am not a victim, I am a survivor and I overcome my obstacles.  Sometimes I choose to let the obstacles keep me restrained, but that is MY choice....I am not a victim in these times, I am just being stupid.  I am allowing my obstacles to hold me back.

I do not want to be a victim, nor do I want to present myself as a victim.  I do realize there are times where I feel I need to justify myself....but not because I am a victim, but because I have felt inadequate or unworthy.  I have to and need to learn how to change my perspective, change my presentation, and how to change me so that I can believe in myself again.  Only after I believe in myself again, can I fully present self-confidence rather than victim mentality.

The first step is realizing what a problem habit is so that I can first recognize it, and second, stop repeating it.  That's never easy.  This can be applied in my life in many different aspects.  My addiction, my relationships, my presentation (of myself)...are just a few of those aspects.

I am working on that.  I think the process of moving from the victim mentality I've held onto for so long, and coming into the realization that I am important, that I can believe in me, is what has brought me to the crossroad I find myself at.

I just do not know how to reconcile the changes that come with choosing the path I will travel, from this crossroad I find myself at.  As I said before, not all of the paths are parallel.

This crossroad decision will have a great impact on my addiction.  I will continue to choose to enable my addiction, or I will choose to say "enough is enough" and refuse to be an enabler.

I am so ready to move on with my life and want so badly to leave my addiction behind.

I want to try something that I have never done before, at least not with 100% commitment and determination.  I want to set three goals for myself.  These three goals I want to accomplish within the next year....01 September 2013 - 01 September 2014.  I'm really going to start today, but I like the idea of starting at the beginning of a time frame, like the beginning of the week, month, year.

These are the goals I want to accomplish within the next year:

01- I want to journal every day, my diet and my thoughts.  Here.

02- I want to consistently lose weight, and accomplish a healthier body.

      (I have a goal in mind, I don't need to publish here, what # I want to get to.)

03- I want to get my finances into a healthy state.

These goals ARE in order of importance, for my overall picture of where I want to go...which path I want to travel.  I believe that by making a journal of my daily struggles with diet and thoughts, I can aid my journey to becoming healthier.  When I stop throwing away money on food, clutter and careless spending, I will find myself in a healthier financial state.  They all work together to help me progress toward where I want to be in the future.  

I am going to believe in me and believe it now.  I am important.

Game on!